The five qualities of playful intelligence: How to cultivate a playful life
Many of us are working on autopilot. I was.
Wake. Get dressed. Go to work. Come home to care for the family (dinner, laundry, etc.) Go to bed. Repeat.
About five years ago, I was reading a lot of medical journals, conducting research for my first book, The Playful Classroom. I was in a dark place in my life — my marriage was failing, my work life wasn’t fulfilling, and I felt like that cliched hamster on the wheel (at my house, that’s a hedgehog). I wasn’t exactly depressed, and I didn’t feel anxious. But there was something off. Then I read Playful Intelligence by my now-friend, Anthony Debenedet. The skies parted and the golden sun shone down. Not literally, but I found what I was reading was corroborated by all the research I’d been collecting — that’s #goldenhour for an academic.
In his work, Debenedet shares the results of his study for how to live lightly in the seriousness of adulthood. If you feel like you’re missing out on something — if something in you feels unfulfilled, keep reading.
After hundreds of observations, studies, and interviews, he determined the five qualities that made the greatest impact on adult life.
Spontaneity
You know this word.
It might sound fun for some, and downright ludicrous for others. The thought of doing something unplanned, outside of routine, actually has great benefits. But you don’t have to go all crazy. This trait actually shows up as what Debenedet calls psychological flexibility.
When we become more comfortable with the unplanned, we are more able to have a flexible mental response to what life throws at us. This comfort isn’t always outwardly visible. Instead, it’s happening in our brains. It might show itself to others in your reaction to life’s curveball.
When we can adapt to these curveballs, consider alternative solutions, and shift our perspective, we begin to think differently. Literally.
Those with psychological flexibility can:
Live in the present (rather than dwelling in the past)
Visualize a future (set goals and make a plan to achieve them)
Enjoy improved job performance
Endure pain longer (interestingly, it’s true)
Live in a healthier mental state
Wonder
On a neuro-psychological level, wonder is an emotion.
When our brain processes an idea/ curiosity/ new experience, the limbic system and association cortex assign significance to it. That’s a lot of science-y words. This is different from having a WONDER-ful experience.
This is the quiet pause.
The lean in.
The scrunch of the eyebrow.
Time stands still. The quiet wonder allows us space to regroup. To reflect.
This quality of playful intelligence is more about the PROCESS (the how) than the experience (the what). When we are open to the small moments in our lives, we don’t need the grand and majestic as often. Our threshold for wonder is lower and we enjoy ourselves.
So, yes. Slow down. Consider the world around you. Be open to what you experience in the quiet.
Imagination
One of this skills many readers have (but surprisingly, not all) is the ability to visualize the story in their minds.
This quality of imagination can often push the reality we know to be true. Some games, whether digital or tangible, often ask us to reframe our present and consider alternate solutions. This ability to reframe is a learned and offers us a new way of looking at the world.
In tandem, the quality of empathy is our ability to imagine ourselves in someone else’s shoes. The playful quality of imagination allows us to understand another person’s situation and connect with them on a deeper level.
When we are imaginative, we can also be more empathetic to our fellow human.
Sociability
While on the surface, this quality appears as friendliness or the state of being easy-going, it’s so much deeper than that.
This trait is about connection without preconceived ideas. People who are playfully sociable approach others with humility, powerlessness, and egalitarianism (one of my favorite words). Say that last one out loud. Isn’t it fun? It means the absence of an us vs them mentality. We are all equal. Playful sociable folks resist first impressions and judgements and allow for time to really get to know someone.
Much like a medical doctor, these friends approach new relationships with a “working diagnosis,” resisting solution bias. This last vocab word happens when we allow someone else’s impression to influence our own. For example, do all clowns have red hair? No. Ronald McDonald just influenced you.
Too often, in our culture (and in “our” I mean American because that’s where I live), we allow false stereotypes to influence our thinking. If false messages about a group of people are repeated over and over, the become hardwired in our system and cloud our perceptions.
What thoughts do you have about others that could be clouded? Consider how you think of others when first meeting them. Do you see separation or do you listen for clues to who they really are? While social walls may provide a false sense of safety, it’s vulnerability that allows for close connections.
Humor
Knock. Knock. LOL. JKJK. HAHAHA
Humor is often the easiest trait to recognize because of the laugh factor.
When we laugh, we experience short term elevations in heart rate and blood pressure, much like what happens when we exercise. Think on the last time you had a good belly laugh — were you left breathless? There are countless studies on the physical benefits of laughter. This playful trait also allows for connection. When we laugh with others, we communicate that it’s safe to play, explore, go down this metaphorical road together.
When we laugh, our walls come down, and we begin to engage more openly. We might even become vulnerable (see sociability).
However, these benefits are only available when the humor is affiliative — the kind that puts others at ease.
Sarcasm is NOT affiliative humor.
The kind of laughter found in playfully intelligent people is light and healthy. It grows relationships through shared connection, where all involved feel a safe connection.
Why do these traits matter?
If we know these are the qualities that manifest in happy adults, we can train our brains toward that goal. Hebb’s law of neuroscience says basically neurons that fire together, wire together. Happiness and life enjoyment is a choice. In the beginning, that choice might be hour to hour, but for me, it got easier over time. Life happens, yes. But we can also happen to life. The more we can embrace playfulness in our lives, the less difficult that choice will be.
Consider trying the following to exercise your own playful intelligence:
Travel somewhere new (far away or in your own town).
Cut out cartoons or comics and rewrite the captions.
Watch a bug do its thing.
Read a book.
Talk to a stranger. Ask questions. Seek connection.
Memorize some jokes. Laugh with friends.
Set goals. Put dates to them. Dream.
Take a new path to work or home.
Host a game night.
Invite a friend for coffee.
As a play ambassador for the US Play Coalition, I’m passionate about sharing the power of play for wellness and overall happy lives.
As you continue to seek answers to your own questions on play, you might be interested in the following articles:
The benefits of play: Why adults need recess and more (upcoming)
Mirror neurons: Why the five people you hang around the most matter so much
